God Doesn’t Want Me to Review this Book: Hook & Jill

This is an actual photograph of this book as it appeared to me while reading it.

I tried. Really, I tried. But I use a reading light, you see. It’s because my wife doesn’t like to sleep with the lights on, and I can’t read in the dark. So the reading light is our solution. But as with all things, batteries don’t last forever, and so mine died before I was even a full page into Hook&Jill by Andrea Jones. No worries, I have spare AAs… somewhere. I dug and dug, and found four. My light needs four because it’s old and inefficient. I changed the batteries and again set myself to reading, but then the bulb went out. Again, I have spares. I changed the bulb in the dark. It’s tricky business getting those two teensy weensy prongs to fit in place without being able to see. But as with all things, I was victorious in the end. I read another paragraph…

and then the bulb again died. I again replaced it. That one burned out too.

Come morning, I learned that two of my AA batteries only *felt* like ordinary AA’s. Had I been able to see them, I would have known they were special voltage AA’s intended for my cordless mouse. I guess that’s why the bulbs kept overloading and burning out. But burn out they did, and so here is my review of Hook&Jill, as best I can do without having been able to see the words:

Hook&Jill is dark. It’s very, very dark. As I recall, from before the darkness overcame me, it had a rather cool cover. With a pirate, I think. The story is very bleak and black. I think it might mention the lost boys. And probably mermaids. Red Handed Jill either refers to Wendy’s pirate persona, or Jill from Jack&Jill fame after she did away with her brother, clocking him upside the head with her water pail – I was never really clear on this. Peter Pan may or may not play a role in this story – I’d hate to spoil the surprise, and also I don’t know. There’s also a crocodile maybe. The end.

OK, so maybe I should go to the store and buy some new bulbs and batteries. I’d buy a more modern reading light, but I tried that once before and it lit up the whole room brighter than our ceiling light, thus defeating the entire purpose. I’ll try reading this book again – and writing a more coherent review – shortly. In the meantime, check out Bilgemunky Radio. I hear it’s rather good.

Comments (5)

  1. Capt. John Swallow

    ROTFL that’s the funniest book review I’ve ever read…

  2. The Never Fairy

    It IS very good. I hope you like it when you do get through it. And your questions shall be answered.
    Dark, yes. But then, so is the original story. 🙂

    Here’s another great Pan book for you…


  3. Andrea Jones

    Dear Bilgemunky,

    If you like, I’ll send you some batteries. But, like all good pirate’s, mine are double Rs.

    I look forward to the rest of your review. I think.

    Andrea Jones
    Author, “Hook & Jill”

  4. Mad Capn Bob

    I’m reminded of a certain Marxist adage…”Outside a dog, a book is Man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read”. Groucho Marx

  5. Medyum

    I’m reminded of a certain Marxist adage…”Outside a dog, a book is Man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read”. Groucho Marx

Comments are closed.